Monthly Archives: June 2010

The world is your oyster.. i know i’m frightened

I’m terrified, i took 4 years in total out after school, in which time i worked abroad and traveled. On year 3 i went home to ireland and did a night course diploma. I then went back to spain where i had been working with the mind set of really trying to make a life out there.
With work dried up, i’m now living back with my parents and searching (like everyone else in the country) for a job. This isn’t me complaining and saying poor me i can’t find work, its just that in the last year i’m different. I’m not as fun, i feel i’ve lost my spark, i’ve also started lying when i’m drunk and not in a harmless talking shite kind of way. I lie about serious stuff, nothing malicious but just not true. So much so that i’m trying to not drink – which in irish culture as a 20something is pretty tough to do. I feel everything is a bit too much at the moment and although i really want to be something and someone and forge a career, another part of me wants to just stay at home with my parents and hide. I’m not trying to be funny but do you think i’m depressed?

Why?

I was fine before I met you, happy and content to be on my own, not looking for anything. You chased and chased and eventually I gave in…I let you in…and I loved it…and then just as quick you were gone. Now you want to “be friends”, and I do too but I just don’t know how to do it. I can’t stop thinking about you, where you are, what you’re doing, if you’re happy, and I wish we’d had a proper chance at it. I don’t know how to move on this time. I’ve never felt feelings this strong and this quickly about anybody ever before. What do I do?

I had a great time with you

I’ve never been so at ease with someone like I have with you. It got serious very quickly. Why did we have to live two cities apart? Things were too different. I got scared and made a rash decision and now I have to live not knowing what could have happened.

I’ll always remember your smile…