I realised this morning, that yesterday was the first day in over three months that I didn’t cry over you.
I wish I could say the same about today.
I am drowning in anxiety. It’s eating me from the inside out.
It’s not the fact that I haven’t had a proper job in months; or the fact that very soon I won’t have a job at all. It’s not the fact that I have to move house and sign a new lease that I’m not sure I’ll even be able to keep up. It’s not the fact that after almost 10 years living on my own, supporting myself, being independent; I may have to admit defeat and move home.
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My only child, a son in his 20’s, died suddenly, last summer. And I still hurt more than I can let anyone know. Everyone sees me going to work and laughing and talking and people even tell me how well I’ve managed to deal with it all.
But I’m still broken in a million pieces, inside. I’ve only managed to heal the outside, so I don’t looked cracked anymore. Read More »
My neighbour asked me today about what I’d do if I won the euro lottery tonight.
The first honest thing that came to my mind was that I’d hire mercenaries and get them to knock off some Irish bankers and politicians for a fee of a couple of million each. Am I a revolutionary or am I slowly going mad?
It’s going to be another night out in town.
You’ll be there with him again. That low life drink-driving pathetic hard-man scum, the bad-boy you crave.
I’ll probably end up with her again. I don’t want to. I just do it to fill the time. She deserves better.
I want to be with you though. You know it, he knows it, she knows it. Everyone of our friends knows it. But no, we’re just friends…
So I was away on a business trip. New job kicked in; been so long since the last debacle.
I wasn’t the same since they fired me last year; was tired, no motivation, tried to tell you, you told me I wasn’t trying hard enough. Read More »